Where should I start? Uhh.. Let’s see, it’s the 2nd week of school. Actually it’s the first day of the 2nd week. Monday and Tuesday were short holidays. Anyhow, this blog post will cover only my thoughts and the world from my perspective about my 1st week of school. That’s last week.
I suppose school’s alright. I have a small group of friends. There are 4 of them. Something I thought I’d never find. I’m amazed at myself, really. I’m really surprised that I actually have friends. They might not be close to me, they might not remember me after we split up and go to our own courses, but I’m happy that I managed to be part of their group.
Maybe I’m satisfied with just being friends with 4 people. I used to desire friends, it’s something I’ve always wanted but never really got. Strangely, if I want them that much, why don’t I want to make more friends instead of just sticking with these 4? I suppose it’s this feeling I get.. It’s like a warm, comforting sensation that wells up inside of me. Very few people are able to ‘give’ me this feeling. I don’t know, but whenever I get this feeling around a person, I’m almost always certain that they’ll end up being good friends. 2 out of 4 of them gave me this feeling. One more than the other.. (Let’s call them JiaM and NadS) I’m closer to JiaM, she was the first person I spoke to, on the first day of school too.
It’s funny how I met JiaM. We had to play this strange group game. It was in Chinese, and I don’t know Chinese. Apparently the group leaders in charge thought that everyone could speak it, so they just went ahead with it. My partner was JiaM and we had to do some strange hand gestures while saying some Chinese words. I had no idea what to do, since I don’t know the words, therefore I can’t match the hand actions to the words. It was quite a mess up for me and I apologised to JiaM for not being able to speak Chinese. I don’t know why I apologised, it was a natural reaction.. Maybe out of politeness, perhaps. She asked why. My answer was a lie, sort of. I said that I grew up in an English household. It was the first thing that came to mind. She thought it was cool though. We ended up having a little conversation here and there, and we swopped phone numbers.
Somewhere during the 1st week of school, JiaM joined up with NadS’s group of friends (Glyn and Arien), and I became part of it. It was nice, and I’m glad that JiaM did that. I wouldn’t have gotten to know them if I weren’t for her.
I did some crazy stuff in school. One of them happens to be Hip Hop dancing. Oh gosh, I simply hate dancing. I’ve always hated it. I tried to change my views about it.. It mean, look. It isn’t that bad, doesn’t it look like freedom? You get to move your body freely instead of sitting in a dull, boring classroom? No. I’ll rather have dull, boring lessons if you ask me. Anyhow, the dance lesson was 3 hours long. Can you believe that? 3 hours of torture!
Firstly, I have Motor Clumsiness. It always so hard for me to coordinate my movements with my peers, follow the steps, and be mindful of where my hands and legs are.. All at the same time! I’m usually slow, and my body feels very stiff whenever I have to force it into strange movements.
Secondly, my feet hurt after an hour. I have flat foot and it’s still in the process of being corrected. I wear a special footpiece thing in my shoes that helps to slowly correct the arch in our foot. We had to wear sandals / flip flops that day, and I didn’t have my foot support thing.
Thirdly, I was frustrated. If I couldn’t get the basic steps of dancing right, how on Earth am I suppose to be able to do it all correctly? It’s infuriating and I felt my past hatred for dancing coming back, slowly filling my heart and mind with rage.
And lastly, I actually tripped over my own feet. How stupid is that? It saddens me.. I realised that my Motor Clumsiness is pretty bad. I’ve come a long way, no therapy and all, but some things can’t really be taught by my mom.
I chose to sit at the sides of the hall after about an hour because I was going into my fixation mode. It’s when I repeatedly think about something frustrating till I want to burst it out in a tantrum. Just when I wanted to talk to my Internet friend using my phone (I’ve got interent access on it) while reading my Star Wars book to cool down. The teacher Miss LWee had to force me back into the whole idiotic minion routine. I call dancing in a group the work of minions. I mean, look at it. Doesn’t it seem like a crowd of minions doing whatever their leader dictates? Everyone is doing the same moves and actions, following the instructor on the mini makeshift stage.
I defiantly wouldn’t do it, despite Ms LWee’s so-called encouragement. She said that it was to get us “out of our comfort zone”. ‘Thing is, I don’t want to leave my comfort zone. I’m happy with who I am, who I’ve become as a person, and what I can and cannot do. What does getting out of our comfort zone have to do with anything related to school? I’m in Moving Images, that’s my course. MI is all about filming and stuff like that, not dancing. Then she told me that “there is no ‘I’ in ‘Team’”. I might be part of this incredible huge, diverse group of students, but I’m my own self. I’ve never really considered myself part of a team when it comes to school work. That’s just me. I’ve always felt alone and I’ve learnt to adopt an independent mindset whenever I’m away from family. Anyhow, after whole torturous activity was over, it occurred to me that.. There’s ‘Me’ in ‘Team’ If you take out the ‘E’ and ‘M’ and rearrange them. Haha.
Towards the end of that horrible dance lesson, every group had to perform in front of everyone. I didn’t. I sat at the right side of the hall. When I’m in my ‘inward tantrum’ state - it’s kind of like building up my anger inside of me and letting my thoughts run wild, thus fueling my rage - when I say I do not want to do something, I won’t.
The other activites were alright. I couldn’t do the Dragon Boating because of my Ezcema. Given a chance, I’d love to try it. It looked so cool, rowing an elongated boat with some friends. Probably tiring though, but it intrigues me since I’ve never done it before. While everyong was out at the reservoir dragon boating, those of us that weren’t able to join in played some games in the shade. The games were alright. When we had to introduce ourselves to the seniors in charge, I said that I did Star Wars Roleplay. Amazingly enough, my senior closest to me said that she and her friends liked Star Wars too and I told her that I was going to watch TPM in 3D on the opening day. She was so cool when she gave me a Hi-Five after that. Towards the end, most of us went to the edge of ‘riverbank’ to watch our peers compete in a short race across the reservoir. It was pretty cool. Two of the teams splashed water at each other with their oars.. It actually made me nostalgic, sort of. I long to be in the water again, it feels so wild and free.
The other activity, carried out on the day after the terrifying dancing lesson and the missed Dragon Boating, was The Low Elements-
*has been sitting here on my bed for at least an hour typing this and so, I shall go grab some pudding to eat. Lychee Pudding. Isn’t that yummy? It is to me.*
-It was alright, the Low Elements. It was meant to get us to work as a team. I can’t say I did feel ‘team-ish’ after that. I still have my loner mindset, it’s what helped me throughout the years, knowing that you can’t always depend on others, and that everyone leaves eventually. I know, i sound like a loner, you don’t have to tell me that. For most parts of the activities, such as scaling a wall and the ‘tightrope walking thing’, I tried to participate. But I ended up standing around, only participating if they needed me to. I don’t know, I found it very hard to speak up in a group of unfamiliar people. I had ideas and thoughts but I kept them to myself. I’m not like that. Usually I’m a lively, fun person that shares opinions and ideas with friends.. Well, very close friends, that is. There were some cool people in my group, I admire them a little. There’s this girl who dared to speak up and assumed the role of a leader, another tall guy too. And there were two guys who brought laughter to the group with their jokes. Another girl was pretty cool too. She made funny remarks of her own. If only I could be daring enough to speak up like them. I suppose I’m always afraid that people will judge me and make snide remarks.
I’m also afraid of being laughed at, I suppose. The groups played a few games and there was always the threat of a forfeit. I find myself quite ridiculous for praying whenever they mention a forfeit. I just don’t want to be the one doing the forfeit. It’s embarrassing. I’m not popular, quite invisible.. A nobody. And I’d like to stay that way. I don’t want to be bullied. Being laughed at is bad enough. To everyone else, the forfeits are just part of the game.. But to me, it’s more than that. Whatever happened in the past shouldn’t affect the future, yet I’m letting my thoughts about the past do so.
Cheering is also not my thing. I prefer to be on onlooker. I usually watch my peers cheer and go wild and just enjoying it as a spectator. It just seems weird picturing me, yelling and going wild over nothing.
I didn’t go for the group gathering too. JiaM sent me a text message about it while I was in the cinema watching TPM in 3D. Anyhow, even if I wasn’t in the cinema, I wouldn’t turn up for it. I live too far away, I take at least 2 hours to dress up, take the bus and / or train to reach school. With that being said, I’ve decided to only go to school for important stuff such as classes, presentations, and anything regarding schoolwork and exams. Pointless things like group gathering isn’t important enough to require my presence. Yeah, I know it’s for bonding between classmates and all that, but ultimately, we are in this on our own. Your classmates only come into the picture when needed, such as project work and stuff like that. I don’t see any point in getting to know people who will eventually all be split up into their own courses. Anyhow, I heard today that the group gathering was suppose to be at 6 or 7 pm for 2 hours.. But it dragged on till 11pm. Why would I want to waste 5 hours on something pointless like that?
All that pretty much sums up everything that occurred in the 1st week of school. I know I sound like a pessimistic person, however, everyone is different with their own point of view. This blog is to record my school life experience in an entirely new school, and that’s what it shall be for.
Right then.. Till next time everyone.
